Ass:
Quotes
Lyrics
Tales of Scatter-Shot
Dope Sampling Tips
What is michael watching on TV these days?(updated
every hour)
What is Damian Wearing this season?
Michael's Picks for this years Duff Bowl
Who is Chris spanking?(in realtime)
How many people have been killed in Jason's Apartment
complex (updated every 30 minutes)
Michael's recipies for really good tea
Damian's 4th grade GPA
Who are Michael and Damian spanking?
Things presently under the turntables
What is the Petaluma Radiophonic Workshop?
Eric's Religious Beliefs
How Many episodes of the Simpsons....
Quotes
1."No kitty that's my pot pie!"
2."Ehh, what are you gonna do?"
3."Protocal"
4."Just vacuum I'm sure it will go away after that"
5."Look at all the earings I got fool, You gonna say
somthing to me?"
6."That's how you do it, get on the floor, that's how
you do it outthedoor"
7."Hey, the cat has his own filter"
8."Don't hit record, I only have three samples up"
9."If you want to make money in the stock market, buy
some stock, wait for it to go up and then sell it, if it doesn't go up,
don't buy it."
10."Oh, just a couple kids messing with samplers in there."
11."She only books shows for the 7-10 slot because she
knows that absolutly no one shows up. She hope the band will bring some
people in to buy drinks."
Lyrics
Sorry, No Lyrics....except maybe.....
1. "hi-yen-doe-yen hey uh hey eeehhh uhhh...........OOOHHHHH!"
Tales of Scatter-Shot
Gig in Eithiopia
Once upon a time Scatter-Shot had a gig
in Eithiopia and they arrived half an hour late. There they found
themselves forced to walk through intensely flooded areas with their samplers
over their heads like U.S. Army surplus riffles. Micheal, unfortunately,
lost his hard-drive (and thus, all his samples) to a wild barricuda, and
Damian caught some form of the clap in a manner I find innapropriate for
this family web page.
Then, when they got to the city
of Ghfurjhfok, where they were to play for some yearly mutilation ceremony,
it turned out that king Dkfjfoir had actually requested the North Bay r&b
band "B.B. Swing". But, alas, king Dkfjfoir was overwhelmed when
the Scatter-boys busted into a hearty improvised sample version of "Doin'
the BB Swing". All was well, alas, and Scatter-Shot Theory was on
their way back to Petaluma to........
Kidnapp
In the darkness of a sealed eighteen wheeler, (parked in front
of Denny's in Penngrove) sat two men awaiting their unknown, yet certainly
horrible destiny. Michael and Damian had been kidnapped only 22 hours ago,
along with their samplers, yet they felt as if it was a whole day ago.
What did their kidnappers want with them?! The damp interior had already
begun to nauseate Damian as he was in corner of the huge rectangle prison.
Gagged with a pair of Michael's old boxer shorts and stunned by his hourly
injection of Drain-o, he began to run over old Kool G. Rap lyrics and envision
images of a naked Janis Ian, through the duct tape on his eyes, to keep
himself calm and relaxed. Michael on the other hand had less to live for.
He had been the victim of a strange and perverted soldering experiment
involving his seven remaining toes and the other three with had been severed
with a sharpened guitar pick the minute he was abducted. He sat at the
opposite side of the dank Mac engaging in thoughts of cereal, orange juice,
a side of vegetarian bacon. Janis Ian lyrics ran through his mind as he
envisioned a naked Kool G. Rap through the front panel of Vestax DJ mixer
which had been welded to his face in order to keep him from ever seeing
the light of day again.
They could hear each other's whines and whimpers as neither
man's ears had been touched in order to complete the evil plan of the kidnappers.
Just then they heard the back doors open.......
Dope Sampling Tips
1. Do not buy the ASR X
2. Try sampling naked.
3. if #2 fails, Try clothes.
What is Michael watching on TV these days?
(updated every hour)
This Hour it's Home
Turf , stay tunned.
What is Damian wearing this season?
1. Sweater by: George and George Clothiers.
2. Hair by: Mourice.
3. Shoes by: Garage Sale
4. Vintage shirt altered by: His Mom
5. Corduroy pants by: Chris's Macy's Hook-Up
5. Teeth by: Too Much Tea
Micael's picks for this years Duff Bowl
Duff.
Who is Chris spanking?
(realtime updates every 6 hours)
A girl.
How many people have been killed in Jason's apartment
complex?
(updated every 30 minutes)
At this time the total
is 2
people killed.
Michael's recipies for really good TEA
I'm sorry, your response must be in the form of a
question.
Damian's 4th grade GPA
3.83
Who are Michael and Damian spanking?
A girl.
Things presently under the turntable
1. pencil
2.turntable cord
3.pencil
4.bottle cap
5.a ball of lint that looks like a pencil
6.a pencil completely covered with lint
What is the "Petaluma Radiophonic Workshop"?
The Petaluma Radiophonic Workshop was founded in 1996 under the determined leadership
and guidence of long time community icon Jesse Wickman, in the area of Petaluma
commonly known as "Ern-dog's Garage". In early 1997 there was a city-wide
measure forcing a change of supervisory perspectives to Damian Carbone Cohn,
longtime upstanding community nuisance and part-time diaper boxer. Recently
this fifteen by fifteen padded cell had become the mecca of Scatter-Shot Theory
and another band called "Destructo-Clock". No, I said "CLOCK"!!!
Eric's Religious Beliefs (updated every minute)
1.
2.
3.
How Many Episodes of the Simpsons....?
Michael says: Not enough.
Damian says: Too many.
